Alright. It's true. I'm having a bit of a melt-down. I've got the most
pitiful pup in history, my professional future is, shall we say,
swaying in the wind, and I am currently so sleep deprived I can't even
think straight. Not that I ever do. I feel like Holly Hunter in
Broadcast News, just having a good 30 second hysterical cry.
Just
a mere two months ago my job seemed fine. Two weeks ago my pup was the
healthiest she had been in the 2+ years I've had her and I was happily
happily single. When I went to the last opening I had just found out
about my job. I was not happy, slightly cranky, and hadn't eaten since
2. I was expecting to do my usual schmoozing, garbage tossing, visit
with old friends, hang out with a few people afterwards (this all
meaning that I am the worst gallery volunteer in history) and go home.
Pretty standard art opening fare. I knew I loved the art work, however,
I was not expecting to get so tanked, and then meet the artist and end
up spending lots of time with him enjoying an intensely dry sense of
humor, a shared love of the Wii, and to be honest, being treated
sweeter, and having more thoughtful things done for me by a man than I
have experienced in years. Perhaps even ever. Don't get me wrong, a few
men here and there have sent roses, written sweet notes, etc...
however, they had known me just long enough to want to woo me for the
possibility of a 'relationship' or we were simply already on the fast
track to a relationship.
This one just hit me out of the blue,
completely unexpected and wonderfully affirming: there are nice men out
there! Talented, creative, sweet, funny, thoughtful men. Who the fuck
knew? Granted, I realize I've only known this gentleman a couple of
weeks, however, so many men have proven themselves to be selfish, rude,
and way less than thoughtful in WAY less time than two weeks. I really
feel astoundingly lucky to have had this experience and I have a new
friend to boot. I have told my sister and friends that when you date
someone, even if only for one date, hopefully in some way they have
'raised the bar'.
My bar has been raised. Really fucking high. Thank god.
I
admit I am sad that he lives there and I live here, however, such is
life. It is what it is and we are to learn what we learn. I know I am
getting a major life lesson with my job situation, especially having
had the same situation twice in exactly one year. Of course everyone
knows I love my dog and will and would do anything for her, however,
just when I thought seeing her seize was bad, I see her not be able to
walk and it breaks my heart in a million pieces. But damn, I love her.
How lucky I am to have her!
As I sit here listening to a song
I was just introduced to, Weeping a little (a lot) with Trix lying at
my feet with her sad plastic halo on her head and her huge stapled
wound on her leg, I still know that I am exactly where I am supposed to
be, feeling exactly how I am feeling. All of these things will lead me
on some sort of journey, good or bad, happy or sad, but it is what it
is.
It's life. And I'm finally living it.
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