As I get older I realize more and more that all things really do happen for a reason. I have recently discovered that part of growing up is seeing what you will learn from a situation or experience while it's happening as opposed to 5 years down the road. When I allow myself to step back from any situation I can see what lesson I am to learn, even if in that moment it's painful as hell I know that the pain will have been worth it because of the knowledge I will have gained.
The shock of losing my job and having to find a new one in 5 days stressed me out beyond belief, as did another painful experience one week later... all this on top of family and financial stress. I don't think I have ever felt quite as close to completely broken as I did during those weeks and it wasn't just one particular thing, it was the accumulation. However, even then I knew what I was learning.
I knew I needed out of my former job and though the adjustment period was hard as hell, my oh my has it been worth it. Yes, it's been really hard to adjust. Yes, it's been difficult to take on all the responsibilities I have taken on. Yes, things are a bit chaotic with three new employees coming on board. Are things in disarray? Yes. Are things a bit neurotic/psychotic? Yes. Is it better than the drug infested, room full of lies that I was working in? Oh yes. Did I need any more neurosis in my life? No, I didn't. Did I need selfish people in my life? No. Am I glad that all of those crazy things happened? Yes, I am. I feel like I narrowly escaped so much possible misery and I am grateful. So grateful.
Growing up is good, you know? Having self-respect is fantastic. Being held accountable as well as holding others accountable is fantastic. Sincerely and truthfully looking inside this person I have become is fantastic. Is it all fun? No. Does it hurt like hell sometimes? Yes.
But it's so worth it. Like my ring and my blog both say: The Me Yet To Come. I still have growing pains but damn it, I'm still growing. That's got to count for something.
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