The Me Yet to Come

Merry Christmas to All

Well, it's 2:22am so I can't really say "and to all a good night" at this point, can I? 

I slept off and on all day today and man, did that feel good!  I was determined to use Christmas Eve and Day to totally indulge in my laziness.  I did family stuff but other than that I have been watching movies, making scarves and basically being a serious bum.  FABULOUS!

I am here to make a promise that I shall blog more this year.  I think I wore myself out blogging, MySpacing and Facebooking.  There's only so much verbal vomit a girl can, well, vomit.  Perhaps I had the writing equivalent of the dry heaves this past year.  Anyway, my journey is never ending and always interesting so I'll get cranked back up again.  I truly think just writing it all here where most of the time no one reads it, is just a healthy thing for me.  And, if someone who has had a similar experience happens upon it, well, then awesome.  

A new year is coming and I am getting ready.  Are you?

Grateful

As I get older I realize more and more that all things really do happen for a reason.  I have recently discovered that part of growing up is seeing what you will learn from a situation or experience while it's happening as opposed to 5 years down the road.  When I allow myself to step back from any situation I can see what lesson I am to learn, even if in that moment it's painful as hell I know that the pain will have been worth it because of the knowledge I will have gained.

The shock of losing my job and having to find a new one in 5 days stressed me out beyond belief, as did another painful experience one week later... all this on top of family and financial stress.  I don't think I have ever felt quite as close to completely broken as I did during those weeks and it wasn't just one particular thing, it was the accumulation.  However, even then I knew what I was learning. 

I knew I needed out of my former job and though the adjustment period was hard as hell, my oh my has it been worth it.  Yes, it's been really hard to adjust.  Yes, it's been difficult to take on all the responsibilities I have taken on.  Yes, things are a bit chaotic with three new employees coming on board.  Are things in disarray?  Yes.  Are things a bit neurotic/psychotic? Yes.  Is it better than the drug infested, room full of lies that I was working in?  Oh yes.  Did I need any more neurosis in my life?  No, I didn't.  Did I need selfish people in my life?  No.  Am I glad that all of those crazy things happened?  Yes, I am.  I feel like I narrowly escaped so much possible misery and I am grateful.  So grateful. 

Growing up is good, you know?  Having self-respect is fantastic.  Being held accountable as well as holding others accountable is fantastic.  Sincerely and truthfully looking inside this person I have become is fantastic.  Is it all fun?  No.  Does it hurt like hell sometimes?  Yes.

But it's so worth it.  Like my ring and my blog both say:  The Me Yet To Come.  I still have growing pains but damn it, I'm still growing.  That's got to count for something.

It's Good Right Now

Life is. New people with open hearts, old wonderful friends who love me like no other, clients willing to deal with all this craziness, and I am working on some things in the near future that will change my life and I love that some wonderful people will be going along on this journey with me. Life keeps changing... it always has and I wouldn't have it any other way. Without it, I wouldn't have growth and acceptance, nor would I have learned to have a backbone and self respect, nor would I have decided to finally take care of myself instead of living for someone else for 34 years.

Life is pretty amazing.  Yes, god knows, sometimes it's sucks ass, but other times it surprises the hell out of me. 

So, stay tuned for massive change... those who know me will be kept abreast every second... those who don't, I'll let ya know when I'm ready.