Thanks to a lovely woman on one of the message boards I tend to lurk (thanks nicci6) I found this:
Stop Smoking Tips, as reported in "The Onion"
*Avoid doing things that you associate with smoking, such as drinking, eating, walking, and being awake.
*Get thrown in jail, where cigarettes can only be acquired in exchange for painful sexual favors.
*Move to California, where tobacco possesion is illegal.
*Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtry. If a loved one quits smoking, keep an ashtray around as a handy substitute.
*Cover yourself in egg whites. No one knows why this works.
*Hypnotism has helped many people quit, but you risk becoming the hypnotist's slave. It's your choice:quitting smoking or freedom.
*Teach yourself a valuable lesson by slowly dying of lung cancer.
*Attractive people smoke because it makes them look cool. Acknowledge that you are neither attractive nor cool.
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