Mom and Me

Well, my illness is getting better, thanks to the Celestone and antiobiotics. I went from having a sexy raspy voice to having a non-existent miserable voice that people want to run away from. I freakin' hate it. I left work early on Saturday because of the immense effort to speak was draining me of a good Celestone high. Ever tried to talk over 8 blowdryers with clogged vocal chords? No? Well, let me tell you, it's not fun.

Tomorrow is the day mom has her mastectomy. I have been present for every single one of her surgeries, even little ones like her sinus surgery. But tomorrow, I will not be there and I feel immense guilt. I just can't miss more work, especially since we only have three days of work this week. I simply can't afford it. But my mom is losing one of her breasts. My mom has cancer. And I'm not going to be there. It feels really, really, really wrong.

I spent the afternoon with her today and I made her look at this book called "Bad Cat" that made her laugh hysterically. It's a funny book, just so you know. Then I helped her get her things together for the hospital, helped her bathe and then hung out with her, the dog and the bird. I asked her if she was scared and she said she was. I would be, too. Not of losing my breast, but of the cancer and all the possibilities that come with it. She's a strong woman, always has been, but strong women can feel fear rather strongly. And she has every right to be scared, and I am scared for her and for me. I'm selfish. I want my mom around. I can bitch and moan about her and her constant neediness, and I can be irritated about having to do so many things for her, but no matter what, she's the mom that raised me and loved me the best she knew how and I love her more than life itself and I want her to be around for a long time. Much more time.

So, say a prayer for her, or do a dance, or sing a song or send white light... whatever. She is deserving, I promise.

Comments

[K]

Thinking about you and J today.
Perhaps we'll try dancing.
Love you.
K & A

[Chef Shouty]

Cue white light...NOW.

We love you and are thinking about you and mom/aunt.

W&M

[Jeff]

Sending some positive thoughts your and your mom's way.